Category Archives for "Happiness"

Motivation. Does it even matter?

By Kristy Bertenshaw

How often do you feel you’re not getting what you want in life because you’re—

Not motivated,

Lazy, 

Busy,

Or some other describing word.

Motivation is like a wave.

It’s slippery. It comes and goes. 

Waiting for it is like a surfer, out in the ocean, waiting for the perfect wave when there is no wind,

And the ocean is still.

Would you do that? It’s kind of crazy.

So, how else could you do it? What else could you do?

By starting something today.

By taking action.

Starting before you feel ready.

Starting before you know all of the steps you’ll need to take in the future.

What strategy could you use?

Massive Action? It’s one of the most popular notions I see today.

But is it the most efficient and effective?

Will it bring the most joy?

And are you able to keep that up consistently, long term? 

Especially if you want to create long term change.

And what if you just feel like you don’t have the capacity to take massive action all the time?

How about using a way you can do something daily, 

With joy,

And ease,

No matter what life throws at you.

No matter the weather.

No matter if you’re sick,

No matter if you’re tired,

No matter if you’re hung over,

You can still show up for yourself,

And keep your word.

Keep your commitments.

Keep your integrity.

Keep your dignity,

And be the person you’ve always wanted to be.

Even when you’re strung out,

Overwhelmed,

Anxious, 

Feeling like it’s all too much,

And wanting to give up.

You can still take action, to move forward,

And it feels easy,

And is something you want to do.

But how, you ask? 

The Tiny Habits Method is researched and scientifically proven to be one of the most effective ways to create long term behaviour change which lasts.

Identify a key area of improvement in your life. 

These could be:

Physical Body, Health & Fitness

Mindset, Emotions & Meaning

Relationships, Friends & Family

Time

Career, Mission & Work

Finances & Wealth

Education

Fun, Recreation & Entertainment

Spirituality, Contribution and Community

Select an action you can repeat to help move you forward.

If you’re unsure of where to start, try the Tiny Habits Recipe Maker.

Non-negotiable: Choose something you can do, and that you want to do.

Design your new action, 

Or behaviour,

So it’s easy to perform.

Position it in the right place and time in your day when you have the time, ability and resources to take action.

Set up your environment.

Sometimes starting something new requires a bit of prep work to make sure we have the tools and resources we need to get the job done.

Practice in advance. The same way as a sportsperson practices before the big game, we need to rehearse the new behaviour, so we are familiar with doing it before we show up on game day. 

Do it. Take action. When you planned.

Celebrate.

Generate a feeling of success.

Repeat.

Build success momentum.

Troubleshoot. If it’s not working, change it. 

Rinse, repeat, and

Enjoy growing!

When we actively design behaviour for success, and we deliberately allow ourselves to feel that success;

When we practice;

When we are consistent;

We create success momentum, 

Which I’ve been told by many clients feels very similar to motivation.

They begin to crave taking action.

And a lot of clients think craving taking action is being motivated.

But they aren’t the same.

As you can see, you don’t need to wait for motivation to strike. 

You don’t need to be that surfer out there waiting for a wave in the still ocean.

You have the power to generate this internal feeling,

And have it on demand, any time you like.

And it all starts with creating a Tiny Habit Recipe.

Tiny Habit Recipes for when you just don’t even know where to begin!

Often I find clients tell me they just don’t know where to begin.My favourite three recipes are focused on feeling good, and something you can do each day of the week.

  • After I pour my first morning coffee, water or tea, I will do a happy dance on the spot and think “Today is going to be the ultimate, productive day”.
  • After I shut my laptop for the day, I will think of one success or win I’ve had, and celebrate by saying “Victory”.
  • After I rest my head on my pillow each night, I will think of one person I’m grateful for, and send them loving energy, and smile.

Elevate your health and happiness with these three habits

by Teena George

Hi there! Let’s start with a quick round of Two Truths and a Lie. 

Here goes – 

I have: 

  1. left my office at 3 am one day and reported back to work at 9 am on the same day
  2. passed out at work owing to immense stress and had to be taken to a hospital in an ambulance
  3. continued hosting a work event despite getting a text message that my husband was in an accident

Which statement do you think is a lie? 

If you guessed 2 as the answer, you’re right! 

Well Done Reaction GIF by X Factor Global

GIF source: https://giphy.com/ 

You may be thinking that the other two statements are just as unbelievable. I agree with you. However, reading them gives you at least some idea of how seriously I used to take my work. 

I cringe now as I write this. However, at the cost of my health, an earlier version of me is guilty of: 

  1. working for insanely long hours and even working on weekends 
  2. pursuing perfection in all the projects I undertook 
  3. wearing ‘busyness’ as a badge of honor

And as we say about Tiny Habits: “Tiny changes, big results.” So it is with seemingly small bad behaviors that we have. They compound over time and lead to life-impacting changes. For me, continuous stress coupled with long hours at work and consistently neglecting my health resulted in me getting diagnosed with Meniere’s Disease. (If this is the first time you’ve heard this term and want to know more, I’ve shared a link at the end of the blog.) 

They’re right when they say, “You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.” Frequent unannounced dizziness, a symptom of Meniere’s, helped me understand and appreciate that GOOD HEALTH IS THE ONE THING ON WHICH EVERYTHING ELSE DEPENDS.

Come to think of it, if you have good health you can invest your time and effort to build and strengthen your relationships, perform optimally at work, achieve your goals, make your dreams come true, and contribute to the greater good by helping others. Needless to say, your ability to do any of this becomes limited when your health suffers. 

I am grateful that I got Meniere’s Disease when I did because it made me pause and re-evaluate my priorities, and it helped me start taking better care of my health. As of today, Meniere’s is an incurable disease and it’s progressive. So, while the symptoms do show up uninvited every once in a while, the three habits outlined below helped me manage Meniere’s and find my way back to good health. 

It goes without saying that you don’t need to have Meniere’s or any other ailment to start any of these. They’ll benefit anyone.  

1. Gratitude: Being grateful for what I have, focusing on what I can do as opposed to what is out of bounds for me, and counting my blessings have helped me from going on a downward spiral.  

 Image source: https://www.azquotes.com/

2. Exercise: While the variety of exercises I can do are limited, I have managed to lose 8 kilos and keep it off (something I struggled with for almost seven years.)  

 Image source: https://awesomeatyourjob.com/ 

3. Meditation: Meditating has helped me stay calm when I get anxious or overwhelmed. It has helped reduce the instances of Meniere’s attacks and generally changed my earlier perception that meditation is only for those with monk-like focus. 

 Image source: https://twitter.com/

These three practices are proven ways to build and sustain good health. I go into the details in my Uplift Your Well-being with Tiny Habits course. 

Here are Three Tiny Habits® Recipes to get you started with these powerful practices: 

  1. After I sit on my bed at night, I will be grateful for one person/thing in my life. 
  2. After I switch on the coffee maker, I will do three stretches. 
  3. After I brush my teeth, I will focus on my breath for three breaths. 

Like these Tiny Habits Recipes? Download them here

Which of the three (gratitude, exercise, meditation) are you already doing daily?

Which of the three do you want to start?

If you: 

  • want to be healthy to savor the good things in life
  • have been meaning to start focusing on your health but haven’t found the time
  • want to be able to manage stress better
  • would like to be more creative and productive
  • just want to be happier…

join my Uplift Your Well-being with Tiny Habits course featuring Dr. BJ Fogg and his colleague + my fellow Tiny Habits Certified Coach, Stephanie Weldy. 

 Image source: https://www.azquotes.com/ 

You can read more about Meniere’s Disease here

Contributor: Teena George 

Connect with me at:

Website: https://www.habitsandmindsets.com/ 

LinkedIn:  www.linkedin.com/in/teena-george1 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/habitsandmindsets/ 

When 95% is Not Better Than 0%

When 95% is Not Better Than 0% 

By Val McKinley

We usually think that more is better. In the world of behavior change, we encourage ourselves and others to do 1% better than the day before. The 1% adds up over time and voila; before we know it, the things that were hard for us or that we had resisted doing, get done. We feel good. Success momentum propels us forward…

Until it doesn’t. I thought I was leading my best life. I was traveling between grandchildren. I had created a portable coaching business and was enjoying the interaction with clients. Over the last two years I had consistently practiced making healthy food choices; also integrating a lot of movement and self-care practices into my daily routine. My husband is a loving partner and I have an amazing social network of family and friends.

So why am I writing this and what does this have to do with Tiny Habits? Last week after a visit with my family in VA, I was scheduled to fly back home to San Diego. That morning, after experiencing yet another two episodes of gastro discomfort which had escalated in frequency and intensity, I was extremely hesitant to get on an airplane. In the midst of not knowing which way to turn, I had an epiphany…’Call Will!’ I had been so preoccupied with my indecision and where to turn, that I had forgotten to ask for help. Help for me was the idea to call Will, my nephew who’s a gastroenterologist at the Mayo Clinic in MN. After he’d listened and synthesized all that I told him, he said that I should not fly, but instead take a taxi to the nearest cardiac hospital which he had determined would give me the best care based on the symptoms I presented.

My intuition and call to my nephew probably saved my life. Within 24 hours of admission, I was in surgery during which a stent was placed in my left anterior descending artery – best known as the Widowmaker. It was 95% blocked! Little did I know that a stroke can be a complication of this procedure. 

As soon as I saw my daughter in the recovery room, I knew that something had gone wrong. I had never experienced coming out of anesthesia with the types of symptoms I was experiencing. My vision was totally out of whack. Every move caused vertigo and/or dizziness. I felt so out of control and very frightened. I was soon taken in for a CAT scan, which I later learned was to determine the type of stroke I had experienced.

When a doctor came in the next morning and asked how I was doing I said, “Not good!” He said, bless his heart, “We’re on this!” I went through a myriad of emotions; sadness, pity, tears, and fear to name a few. Questions such as, “Is this my new normal? How will I do what I love to do? Will I be able to hold my grandbaby?” etc., raced through my mind. Several abilities once taken for granted had suddenly been swept out from under me. Talk about being thrown for a loop – literally and figuratively!

This is where Tiny Habits came to the rescue. I know tiny is transformative. I know that self-confidence is the by-product of doing what I say I will do. When I celebrate the behaviors I have planted in my life, my body releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin. This process wires in the habits that I want to achieve more quickly.  Action is the catalyst of long-term change. Because I’ve developed the skills of change over time, I knew I could start taking control of my life. 

I was told specialists would not be coming to evaluate me until the next day. However, I knew that for me, waiting was not an option. I had a pity party and cried and was sad. Then, after a few minutes, I told myself to come up with one thing I could do to help myself heal as I was seeing double and was extremely dizzy. The recipes were: After I put a patch on one eye, I will set the timer for ten minutes. I celebrated. After the timer goes off, I will change the patch to the other eye. I celebrated. Repeat…By planting the seed of change that day, I felt empowered. I felt hopeful. I felt that I was doing something to move forward in my healing. Step-by-step, little by little.

Note: For women reading this, or men who have women in their lives, please know: The classic symptoms of a heart attack are different in women!! Even if you have no family history of cholesterol problems, have your cholesterol checked. If you don’t feel like yourself, trust yourself. You have the right to have your health symptoms addressed until a root cause is found. Good luck. Be well!

Update: I was in rehab at the hospital for a week and then went to my daughter’s for a week. I was cleared to fly back home to CA  at the end of the second week. Two habits that I continued to do post stroke were a modified hospital version of the Maui habit upon awakening and my bedtime habit of After I get in bed, I will write my gains for the day and write 3 things I hope to accomplish the next day. And then I celebrated!

I am a firm believer that maintaining a routine helped keep negativity at bay as I continued to heal.

A few weeks after arriving home, I started going to Zumba again. It’s my favorite form of movement. I knew that the full hour of spinning and quick movements would be too much, so my modification was, During my  ½ hour of Zumba, I will walk the steps and look forward. Then celebrate that I was back! Over the next few weeks, I slowly started increasing my time in class, adding head movements and turns as long as I maintained my orientation.

Two months in, I got to start driving again! Yea! I have been in the company of my granddaughter in the last few weeks, getting to hold her and take care of her as before.  Life is good! I feel so blessed to be back to my former self.

Best wishes,

Val McKinley

Tiny Habits Certified Coach

Course Creator: Tiny Habits for Green Light Living—Using Emotional Regulation as a Catalyst for Action

https://www.instagram.com/lifecoach_val/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/lifecoachval/

Want an organised, decluttered home in 30-seconds or less a day? Then this article is for you.

The days of spring are filled with pansies, daffodils and tulips making their way through the ground ready for bloom and longer, warmer, sunnier, hope-filled days. Spring, to me, means a fresh start. A time to revamp and press reset.

A time for spring cleaning and overhauling our environment. 

It’s also a time a lot of us associate with new goals, aspirations, wellbeing, and socialising. After being in lockdown over the winter months, with the hope of COVID-19 vaccines on the horizon and that life may soon normalise somewhat, now is the time to prepare for people—our family, friends and loved ones—coming to visit our homes once again over the coming summer months. How exciting! 

It’s time to get prepared to open our homes once again, get organised, and declutter.

The thing is, tomorrow is going to be just like today. Today was just like yesterday.

Unless we design our lives differently. Unless we create change.

To change our lives, we must implement systems and change our actions.

One of the easiest ways to get started is to change our environment.

We can use this as inspiration to get organised at home. But where do we begin?

Let’s start by thinking about the way we use the space in our homes and lives. 

The design of our interior spaces can be a powerful force. It has the ability to bring out the best in us or slow us down.

I believe most people take pride in their skills, work, ability to do things, and they want to do things well, given the opportunity.

In our homes, we have different spaces in which we need to get those things done.

These interior spaces ideally reflect the needs of the people living within them, prioritise wellbeing, and enhance our humanity.

Here are a few questions we can ask ourselves:

  • Who will inhabit this home, space or environment? 
  • What are their aspirations, wants, needs and desires? 
  • What will they do in this space?
  • How will they connect to one another? 
  • How can the space enhance wellbeing?
  • How can it engage and stimulate the beings which use it?
  • How can it be designed to support daily routines, actions and habits?
  • How can it be maintained with joy and ease?

We often see people have not thought through activity related to producing results. This means homes end up being organised inefficiently, diminishing our productivity, leaving us to feel overwhelmed, frustrated and wondering why things aren’t working or why we simply aren’t getting things done.

Our homes need to be zoned for our current goals and aspirations. And while we can have it all, we can’t have it all at once.

Ask yourself:

  • What is my top outcome or aspiration to achieve this month?
  • What daily, weekly and monthly activity will it take to get this done?
  • Do I have a space dedicated, designed and set up to accomplish this?
  • What about the other family members in the household? Will there be any conflicts? 
  • How can I design & create a Tiny Habit Recipe to take daily action? Unsure? Try the Tiny Habits Recipe Maker
  • Can I create a zone with all the tools & resources I need to execute? 

Each time we choose to declutter or re-organise, we have the chance to evaluate the interior spaces which frame our life. We have the opportunity to create spaces that make us feel alive, and improve the way we live and work. Little by little, day by day, we can take tiny actions to improve life on the daily. 

How often do you use your things?

Our homes can look pretty and organised, but they also have to be practical.

Ask yourself: How often do I use this thing/item?

Is it daily, weekly, monthly or even yearly?
Does this support a habit, ritual or routine I, or someone in my house, has?

Just like items are merchandised in a supermarket or store, homes need to be organised by frequency and location of use to create a system that is easy to maintain and easy to use—a system based on Fogg Maxim #1 and #2.

Fogg Maxim #1: Help People do what they already want to do.

Fogg Maxim #2: Help People feel successful.

Put things that you use daily at the front, then arrange by weekly and monthly usage. Height also matters based on who is using it and how often. What is in our eye line is prime real estate.


Pro tip: Want your kids, hubby or wife to adopt a behaviour with ease? Set up a little zone so it’s fun & easy for them to do, in an area they already use, with stuff they already use on the daily, and make sure it’s at their specific eye level. They will think they thought of this themselves. Genius! (And no more nagging)

Whether we are on the scale from hoarders to very occasional members of the clutterclub, what’s one thing we can do today to get started, no matter our decluttering and organising skills?


Adopt the Rule of Three—The Tiny Habits Version

Every time we get up from our desk or walk through a room, we put away three things. Or, each hour, devote 30 seconds to de-cluttering. 

Here is a Tiny Habits Recipe for getting organised you can use in your own life:

After I get up from my desk or office chair, I will put away three things,

And celebrate with a Serena Williams fist pump.

The best way to learn the Tiny Habits Method is to get started practising immediately. Don’t wait. What action will you choose to take today?

The Contributor

Kristy Bertenshaw

I write things & stuff on Medium

Five Tiny Mindfulness Habits That Have a Big Impact

By Kristen Manieri 

“Mindfulness isn’t difficult. We just need to remember to do it,” says renowned writer and meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg. What a paradox! Mindfulness—the act of bringing our attention into the present moment—is easy… if we’re mindful! 

It’s true that nearly anyone can cultivate the skill of mindfulness. In fact, most of us learn present-moment awareness without being formally educated in it, without ever being told what mindfulness is and why it matters. We have all experienced what it’s like when our attention returns to the moment we are actually in right now, regardless of how fleeting that particular moment of presence was. This is mindfulness. Easy. 

But try to build a mindful life—a life so steeped in present-moment awareness that mindlessness is battled nearly to extinction—not so easy. 

The good news is that we are all capable of more mindfulness when we make a commitment to practice more often. A reliable tool for regular practice is habits. Any activity we do with enough consistency to become automated no longer requires our focus or deliberateness. Once we habituate an activity, it becomes seemingly effortless. 

Using the power of habits, mindfulness can become effortless, too.

Whether your goal is to become more present or productive, compassionate or creative, it all starts with turning your awareness to the present moment. Mindfulness habits, coupled with the right intention and attention, dig mental grooves that allow you to return to your awareness and the present moment over and over again. 

When we merge the science of habits with the art of mindfulness, we discover a formula for a mindful life and a solution to Sharon Salzberg’s challenge. Mindfulness isn’t difficult. And we CAN remember to do it. We just need a little help. The following habits are a great place to get started. 

HABIT #1

30-Second Check-In

Mindfulness is a homecoming. So much of our day is focused on the exterior of our lives. When we slow down and pause, we’re invited to revisit and re-inhabit our inner world, even for just a few seconds. 

The practice of a 30-second check-in is simply pausing to tune in to the feelings, sensations and thoughts in the body and mind. Think of it like a weather report. Close your eyes and check in. Is it stormy, breezy, or sunny? Are you holding any tension or ruminating on any worries? 

Noticing what’s happening inside grants us an opportunity to tend to it. Are you thirsty, hungry or achy? What needs is the body asking to be filled? With our awareness turned inward we may notice anxiety, stress or frustration building. Maybe you need a break or to step away to get perspective. When we are mindful, we can choose to regulate ourselves, which helps us access the higher functions of the brain where our capacity to make good decisions and wise choices is stored. We become less of a knee-jerk reactor and more of a thoughtful responder. 

Try this: Start tiny! Close your eyes for 10 seconds and simply see what’s there. How do you feel? What are your dominant thoughts? What emotions are present? Notice what it feels like to return to yourself. 

Here’s a habit recipe you could try: 

After I use the restroom, I will close my eyes for 10 seconds and check in with myself. 

HABIT #2

Mindful Mealtime Pause

Put up your hand if you sit down to eat and just start mindlessly chowing down. If you could see me, you’d see my hand up, too. Meals are perhaps some of our most mindless moments. It’s tough to eat mindfully, but I find it gets easier when I begin my meals with the habit of taking a mindful pause. 

When I sit down to eat dinner, I close my eyes and let myself feel my hunger. This pause offers me the chance to feel very grateful for the food in front of me, all those who played a part in getting it to my table, and to appreciate how fortunate I am to have healthy food to eat. I find this pause also slows me down long enough to savor my food, at least the first few mindful bites. 

Here’s a habit recipe you could try: 

After I sit down to eat, I will close my eyes, pause and feel grateful. 

HABIT #3

Waiting in Gratitude

I had a terrible habit of checking my phone when I’m stopped at red lights and I really wanted to break it. As I learned from BJ Fogg, it’s much easier to replace a habit than to break one, especially one that we’ve been doing for a long time. 

So, I began the habit of placing my phone in my purse instead of in the center console. Having it out of reach lowered the temptation and removed the visual prompt. Then when I arrive at a red light, I take a moment to think of a few things I’m grateful for. 

Here are habit recipes you could try: 

After I get into the car, I will put my phone out of reach and out of sight. 

After I stop at a red light, I will think of three things I’m grateful for. 

HABIT #4

Three Deep Breaths

Without getting too much into the science, believe me when I say that just taking three deep breaths has a tremendous influence on your nervous system. We breathe short, shallow breaths when we’re stressed. It’s a way of our body getting us into a position for either flight or fight. 

The trouble is, we don’t typically face any real threats most of the time. But we think threatening thoughts, which make our body think that we’re in trouble. A good way to reset and to restore our inner peace and calm is to slow and deepen our breathing. 

Try this: Once a day, sit somewhere comfortably and close your eyes. Take a breath in through the nose to the count of five or six. Hold the breath for a second or two and then exhale through the mouth with a big sigh. Repeat this again two more times. 

What you’ll likely notice is a feeling of ease as your nervous system starts to register the signals that you’re safe and well. You might even say silently to yourself, “all is well.” This quick, little reset can help you power down at the end of the day, shift from work to family time, and can help you regulate your emotions when you’re feeling upset. 

Here are a few habit recipes you could try: 

After I get into bed at night, I will take three deep breaths. 

After I get into the car after work, I will take three deep breaths. 

HABIT #5

Mindful Hand-Washing

Handwashing is something we all (hopefully) do automatically and mostly mindlessly several times a day. This makes it a great anchor for a mindful moment! 

For this habit, you’ll still wash your hands as you normally do. The only difference is that you’ll wash them with your attention singularly focused on the task at hand rather than letting your mind wander or rushing through. 

I like to use this moment of presence to practice keeping my attention focused on something that’s pretty mundane. My mind isn’t really interested in focusing on washing my hands because it’s something I’ve already done a million times and I don’t need any special attention in order to do it correctly. Being with my mind as it naturally wanders away with thoughts of my day or what I’m going to do next is an interesting exercise in simply training my mind to stay present. And since I wash my hands about a dozen times a day, I get loads of practice. 

Try this: As you turn on the tap and put soap onto your hands, tune into the sensory experience (sight, sound, smell, touch) of this everyday practice of washing your hands. Allow yourself to drop deeply into the experience and really feel all the sensations you’re experiencing. Use this practice as a mini holiday in your day and a chance to come home to yourself, even for just 20 seconds. 

Here’s a habit recipe you could try: 

After I put soap on my hands, I will bring my full attention and awareness to the act of washing my hands. 

Making Habits Stick

If you’re up for it, pick just one of these habits to work on in the next week. Instead of aiming for a slam dunk, set the intention to simply learn about how you build habits. Troubleshoot and pivot rather than throw in the towel if a habit isn’t sticking. And remember, keep it tiny and easy. You can scale up your habit once it’s sticky. 

How to turn obstacles into opportunities with Tiny Habits

On the 4th of September, my life changed forever. Of course, I had no way of knowing that would be the day. I thought I was in Bali to celebrate my friend’s marriage and figure out the next chapter of my life. You see, my husband and I had decided to separate only a few days before. I had no idea the universe was about to deal such an unexpected hand. 

I was drugged at the wedding, abducted, violently, and repeatedly assaulted, and had a huge accident coming off a motorcycle trying to escape. This resulted in a mild traumatic brain injury and spine, neck, head, and nerve injuries. I couldn’t do much at all for more than two years. I couldn’t even legally make my own decisions because of my traumatic brain injury (TBI).

I was terrified of doing anything which might limit me. I avoided people; I avoided love; I avoided connection. I avoided friends, family—everyone. My natural state is an adventurer, explorer, extrovert, and I love people—but I became a hermit. I stopped exercising and socializing, which I had done all my life. I barely left the house. I told no one, not even friends or family or even my mother, what was going on. I didn’t show up to things when I said I would, though I prided myself on my reliability and reputation before this. 

I took approx 12 types of medication—anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, pain relief, sleeping tablets, sedatives, nerve medication. Otherwise, I could barely move, and I looked kind of like I had MS as a result of my collapsed spine pressing on my nerves. 

In the beginning, it was so bad I needed help to remember to do basic things, like take a shower. I’m grateful I didn’t need to learn to read, write or walk again—I was fortunate to have a mild TBI. Space and time seemed to merge into one for me. I had an excellent memory before the incident—it was one of my superpowers. Afterward? I couldn’t remember anything, but I was too embarrassed to tell anyone, so I wrote down what I did each hour of each day in my iPhone calendar in case someone asked me what I had been up to; otherwise, I couldn’t recall.

I gained a lot of weight as I was recovering, which was the least of my worries, to be fair. I didn’t look in a mirror anyway as I couldn’t look at the woman who stared back at me. Who was she? I didn’t recognize her at all. I relived the trauma day after day. I had flashbacks and was often terrified to go to sleep. My hair fell out. I never felt safe. I installed locks on every window, deadbolts on my doors, and locks on each internal door inside the house. I checked the locks countless times each day. I had the consistent pestering thought, “You’re not supposed to be here.” I felt endless shame and guilt that my recovery/getting back on track was taking so long. I felt like an utter failure day after day.

I was abducted. And that makes me an abduction survivor.

I narrowly escaped with my life.

My spine did collapse, and I did have a TBI (traumatic brain injury) from the experience.

And yup, I was violently and repeatedly assaulted.

Yeah, it did take several years, teams of people, and emptied my bank accounts to recover.

No, I didn’t tell many people when it was happening as I was so ashamed.

Dad drowned in a boating tragedy, check.

Mum went to prison; I had a violent stepfather, a tumultuous upbringing, check.

My best friend died while this was happening. My marriage ended. Yeah, I can tick those boxes too.

Each of us has a story to tell.

Our own version of these types of struggles and challenges.

Each of us has a life filled with trials and tribulations, ups and downs, highs and lows, the good times and the bad. Some of us have had horrific experiences as part of our destiny, some of us have had a life filled with shiny, magic moments, and most of us have some sort of combination.

What each of us takes out of these experiences — whether consciously or unconsciously — will ultimately shape our future.

We may not get to choose what happens to us, but we decide what we will make things mean.

What we decide shapes our experience of the world and our identity.

I have never worked so hard in all my life to overcome my obstacles, but at some point, I thought there has to be a better way, there has to be something I can do, and this is where Tiny Habits entered my life.

How the Tiny Habits Methods helped me overcome obstacles

At the time, I barely wanted to leave the house. Starting exercising seemed insurmountable.
I wasn’t lacking motivation; I was so terribly full of fear and feeling unsafe that I felt I couldn’t face people. 

But walking to the letterbox and back? Now that I could do.

Getting my exercise clothes ready for a workout? Now that I could do.

The Tiny Habits Method was helping me achieve both Fogg Maxim #1 & #2.

Fogg Maxim #1: Help people do what they already want to do.

Fogg Maxim #2: Help people feel successful.

So, where did I start? Where you can begin, too:
Start way smaller than you think you need to. Set yourself up for a win. 

Tiny Habit Recipes for Wellbeing, Exercise & Weight Loss

After I prepare my PJs in the evening, I will prepare a set of exercise clothes/shoes and put them in the bathroom and celebrate by smiling and thinking, “I got this!”

Why this works: I was already getting clothes ready to wear after my evening shower—my PJs and robe. So it was very easy to open another drawer and take exercise clothes to the bathroom with me. I even moved my exercise clothes to live in the drawer next to my PJs, so it was super, super easy.
I recommend this—making things easy to do, rather than relying on memory or motivation.

The pairing: Well-being stuff in the bathroom always works well for me (and my clients & fellow coaches too.) The only thing I needed to do was open another drawer and take a set of clothes out. I also started storing exercise gear in ready-to-go sets—rather than tops/shorts separately.

The frequency? Once per day

Time the recipe takes? 15-30 seconds

It also made me feel prepared, future-focused, and on top of the next day, in advance.

After I pee for the first time in the morning (final step: washing my hands/hanging the hand towel up), I will get dressed in my exercise clothes/shoes and celebrate by doing a Serena Williams fist pump.

Why this works: This Tiny Habits recipe made me feel like someone who worked out—it started to shift my identity and how I saw and related to myself. Also, once I was in my clothes and shoes, I felt like I needed to do something before getting out of them.

The pairing: Wellbeing stuff in the bathroom

The frequency? Once per day

Time the recipe takes? Approx 15 seconds.

After I finish the last mouthful of my first coffee, I will walk to the letterbox (and celebrate by clapping my hands).

Why this works: I was in action. Tiny, simple, action—walking. 

The pairing: Coffee is a feel-good morning ritual, so I wanted to anchor exercise in here.

The frequency? Once per day

Time the recipe takes? Approx 15 seconds.

Want to earn extra credit? Keep walking! Just remember to practice your celebration first.

Focus on Celebration

Celebration is how we make our habits automatic. It creates a feeling of positive emotion right after we practice our Tiny Habit recipe—our new behaviour—or while we are doing it. It teaches us how to be our own BBF and to be kind to ourselves.

Focus on Creating Success Momentum

Rather than doing one big thing once, do small things lots of times. This gives us lots of small opportunities for success, which is actually more important than one single opportunity for larger success.

“It’s the frequency of success, not the size of success, that matters.” – Dr BJ Fogg

Real-Life Results

5-30 seconds a day using the Tiny Habits method have resulted in some massive changes.

I’ve reduced my body fat by 12%.

I’ve reduced my weight by 25lb and kept it off (approx 100-200g fat loss per week.)

Last December I could only lift a broomstick, and now I can Olympic lift.

I’ve used the Tiny Habits Method to stop taking all medication. I’ve now been medication-free for 12-months.

I’ve used Tiny Habit Recipes to assist with overwhelm, anxiety, and PTSD flashbacks. 

I couldn’t jump around at all when I began with Tiny Habits. I was so scared my spine would collapse. I started skipping in 2020, and now I dance every day.

I move my body 12,000 steps (10-15km) every day, even without going to the gym, by using Tiny Habits Recipes. I’ve consistently averaged 13,000 steps per day for two years now (I track this using Oura.)

Want to learn more

The Contributor

Kristy B

kristybertenshaw.com

igI write things & stuff on Medium

3 Ways to Teach Tiny Habits to Your Kids

After I put on my seatbelt, I will push play on my audiobook.

This has been my most successful Tiny Habit to date! I can quickly finish 1-2 books a week. But this habit didn’t start this way. 

My aspiration was to read at night after putting my kids to bed. During family dinner conversations, I would express my frustration with not getting the books read that I wanted to and how my pile was stacking up. There were nights of me commenting that I bought another book, and my kids would laugh because they knew my lack of success at reading was real.

After a couple of weeks of not completing this habit, I realized I needed to troubleshoot it instead of continuing to whine. 

There was an aha moment one day… I am in the car for multiple hours a day running kids around.

And that was when this super successful habit was created. I was learning the content inside the books (which had been the aspiration the whole time). My kids heard and saw the process (I had wanted something, created a habit, it didn’t work, so I adjusted instead of giving up.)

While I was focused during this, I hadn’t realized the lesson I was teaching to my kids until one night at dinner, my middle son started to explain a habit that he had designed and needed to troubleshoot it. 

He kept hearing about the importance of gratitude and wanted to create a habit around it.

He told me that initially, he was going to sit at his desk and write down three things he was grateful for. That hadn’t been working for him, so he moved to his bed. 

He said, “Mom, I thought that after I sit on my bed, I will open up the notes on my phone and type out three things I’m grateful for.”

He explained that many of his teachers at school have him do stuff with an app on his phone, and then he dreads that, and he didn’t want to dread this habit. So time to redesign again. He liked the location of the habit (his bed); he just needed to design the gratitude part to be easier for him.

His habit ended up being, “After I sit on the end of my bed when I am done playing guitar, I will close my eyes and think of one thing I’m grateful for.”

I was excited for him. I had no idea this habit was being created and that he was doing it on his own.

The first and most powerful way to teach your kids the Tiny Habits method is by modeling positive habits yourself. Be the example and explain behaviors that you would like to have as habits for yourself. Involve your kids in the process. Let them hear what you would like to accomplish, how it’s working out, or how it isn’t. Letting them live through you and your explanations so that their thoughts can follow the process and see themselves within it. 

My absolute favorite way to teach my kids about habits is with the Swarm of Bs. 

To say I love doing this with my kids is an understatement!

It creates a moment for me to understand their aspirations and desired outcomes (sometimes it’s for a long-term desire, and sometimes it’s to solve a current problem).

How I to do the Swarm of Bs with my kids:

  1. Print this out or grab a piece of paper to draw it
  2. Sit down with your kid and ask them what an aspiration or outcome is that they get excited about (aspiration= abstract desires, outcome= measurable)
  3. Write that in the center
  4. Ask your child what behaviors they think would help achieve that aspiration or outcome (there is a deeper method mentioned in the Tiny Habits book called “magic wand”)
  5. After we have spent some time talking through what my kid wrote in the middle and the behaviors, we decide on the one that they think would be the most successful for them and design a habit around that behavior 

I love this because I get to hear their thoughts. We get to spend time together brainstorming all these fantastic possibilities of behaviors. Often there are ideas I would not have thought of.

One of my sons used this exercise to solve our family’s problem of not playing enough board games. I had no idea this was something he had wanted to have more of.

When I did this with my oldest stepdaughter, she wrote “confidence” in her swarm. Again, I had not realized this was something she wanted. Talking through how she (& I) could help her grow her confidence was playful, creative, and fun! It also allowed me to understand her and be aware of how I can help her be successful.

After Liv and I did her Swarm of Bs, she decided that mirror affirmations would be the most successful for her.

Awesome! We had a starting point.

From there, we talked through what time of day she wanted to say an affirmation. (Morning while she was brushing her hair. This was her anchor). Then we talked through what her affirmation would be (behavior). 

Her Tiny Habit:

When I am brushing my hair in the morning, I will look in the mirror and say, “Today is going to be a great day!” 

Recipe for a Tiny Habit: 

Anchor + Behavior + Celebration

I have noticed that for kids, celebration comes pretty naturally. 

A celebration is an emotional reaction. It  can be verbal, physical, or in your mind. 

One of my kids does a dance shimmy; another says “yeah!” in their mind.

My third and last suggestion for teaching your kids how to use the Tiny Habits method is to get their “buy-in.”

Fogg Maxim #1: Help people do what they already want to do.

Designing habits around things your kids already want to do is fantastic. 

However, I have found I want them to do habits that they might not be stoked about.

Forcing them is one option, but that is not a long-term solution; it won’t necessarily help them as adults. So explaining to them what behavior I would like for them to make a habit and talking through it with them has been successful.

As we talk, I can hear something that they want that aligns with the behavior I am hoping for.

An example of this is making their beds. 

I have yet to find a kid that is excited about this.

I remember a particular dinner conversation that came from my frustration of my kids’ rooms being trashed by the time school started each morning. I realized what I had been doing wasn’t working, which was getting mad at them, and I decided to take a different approach. I asked them why making your bed might be important. It was helpful for them and me to understand where we all were coming from. I then asked them how they felt after school when they came home and saw that their bed was made (they all agreed that they felt happy and there was peace). I took some time to explain how simple it could be. I also explained my expectations of what a “made bed” could be (aka it didn’t have to be perfect with blankets tight & pillows lined up, etc.). I explained how it could be done in 30 seconds or less. The final part was designing a habit around this: 

After my feet hit the floor first thing in the morning, I will flip around and pull up my blankets. 

It was fascinating how literally overnight this habit was magic. They understood the behavior and have invested their ideas into the habit of designing. 

To recap: 

  1. Teach by example (using words and actions)
  1. Understand their aspirations (use the Swarm of Bs)
  2. Get their “buy-in” (value their input when designing habits)

Sign up for a free mom-focused 5-Day Tiny Habits Program: 

Tiny Habits for Moms 5 Day Program

Brittany Power

@iambrittanypower

Living in Integrity through Tiny Habits

Name: Chandni Sawlani

One of the biggest sources of pain and anxiety in my life, and perhaps the lives of most of us, is witnessing and knowing all that I can be but not being able to close the gap. For years like most people, I’d go through cycles of being highly motivated. Inspired by experiences that moved me deeply, I’d set powerful new intentions, take massive action, and then have all of these new behaviors fizzle away.

I first came across Tiny Habits in the middle of the pandemic in 2020. I remember going through the 5-day program, and beginning to get a sense of how it worked. My first round wasn’t too successful, but something stuck, something clicked into place, and so I gave it another shot. And BOOM…I got it! The first layer of understanding of this simple and powerful method locked in.

  1. Showing up consistently as my best self

The first piece I started to work on was my morning routine. For years I’d had fleeting phases of success with my morning routine and had experienced how this impacted the version of me I’d show up as through the day.

I started with this Tiny Habit: ‘After I open my bedroom door, I will roll out my yoga mat’ (and celebrate!). And lo and behold, there I was, rolling out my yoga mat, day after day, feeling absolute delight go through me. Soon enough, rolling out my yoga mat turned into a 20-minute yoga practice. In time, this was complemented by a meditation routine and other pieces.

Now, about a year and a half later, I wake up to my dream morning routine without fail, almost every day, even when I am travelling, even after a late night. I wake up, sip some hot herbal tea with a book to read, roll out my yoga mat and stretch, meditate for 20 minutes, send my loved ones morning messages, eat a bowl of fruit, and have a hot shower. It is my default now, and I couldn’t imagine more than a day or two of not living this routine! What’s amazing is that this routine has evolved and gone through many iterations. It’s flexible and I tweak it whenever I feel inspired to. It feels so simple to add and delete pieces, to move things around.

The returns from locking this in are priceless. I start each day feeling deeply centered and in integrity with myself. I’m able to show up to the day with stillness and with a smile. And more consistently, I have productive and successful days!

  1. Responding and no longer reacting

The second most important piece that my Tiny Habits have helped me with is responding to challenging situations, especially ones that are emotionally triggering. 

For the last few years, I have been trying really hard to navigate a certain challenging relationship with integrity. What kept me stuck was my disappointment with who I had been in this relationship. My behavior was out of alignment with the person I know I am. Intentions failed me in moments of being deeply triggered, and I’d find myself reacting with frustration and helplessness. 

When I read Amy’s story of Pearl Habits in the Tiny Habits book, it moved me to tears. I finally felt there was hope in this situation, and I had a new approach I could try. I started with the Tiny Habit: ‘After I feel emotionally triggered in a conversation, I will stand up and get into a power pose’. 

This Tiny Habit was a game-changer. It allowed me to change my physiology in a moment of stress and create a moment of pause, the space to choose my response. Over time I found myself reacting less and responding more deeply to my authentic self.

This Tiny Habit then rippled to other Tiny Habits designed specifically to navigate the nuances of this challenging relationship. Now, about 10 months from when I first started this experiment, I have managed to close and complete this relationship. There is not as much mutual acceptance as I had hoped for, but I have a sense of inner peace that comes with being in integrity with myself.

  1. Growing and evolving consistently

The third piece that my Tiny Habits have really helped with is the confidence to pursue learning and growth consistently. 

The massive gap between information and action has been a serious cause of anxiety for me. Learning was stressful because the weight of not implementing things was painful and overwhelming. 

Through Tiny Habits and the overall mindset of keeping things tiny, simple, and sustainable, I have grown confident in my ability to integrate new learnings into my life, be it professionally or personally. For instance, now whenever I complete a session of absorbing any new content or information, I have a Tiny Habit recipe: ‘After I finish reading/watching/listening to something, I will ask myself ‘What is the one thing that is most relevant for me to remember/integrate from this right now?’ This has definitely brought ease into my life, and I find myself growing and evolving more rapidly than I ever thought possible!

Tiny Habits has been the single most important framework in my toolkit for living in integrity with who I am. With my current understanding of Tiny Habits, I am confident that I can bring any change that I desire into my life, and that gives me such a sense of freedom and joy! 

I sincerely hope that you find this freedom too 🙂 Here’s a link to sign up for the free 5-day program that got me started on this journey.
Through my business Moonlight Accelerators, I support young game-changers step deeply into integrity with themselves and do their greatest work in the world! Tiny Habits is an important part of our toolkit. You can learn more here.

How I Ate a Cookie Every Day and Lost 20lb.

cookies

The rain started pouring and splish-sploshing on my window. Should I? Shouldn’t I? It isn’t part of my plan today, and I am on a deadline with my commitments. It isn’t part of my diet plan either. When was the last time I had one? I tried to remember. 

I sat inside my car, parked right outside of my house with the engine of my white Audi A1 Ambition running while I was lost in thought.

Fasting beach walk done? Check.  Errands done? Check. Gym workout done? Check. Groceries done? Check. 

Yeah, I deserve it; I’ve worked really hard this week and been consistent with my workouts; I’ll go now and get one. I did a cheeky u-turn and was on my way. 

A burnt salted-caramel slice. All of this mental energy, procrastination, time-wasting over a caramel slice. 

I knew I would feel guilty about it later and yet, over the past few weeks, I had been craving cakes, cookies, and slices far more than usual. How much time was I spending lately thinking about food? Dreaming about it? Arguing with myself over whether to eat this or not? Trying to justify the sweets, burgers, and other non-nourishing food choices, which had tightened my waistband slightly of late? 

It wasn’t the cost of the tightened pants that was of most concern; it was how much time I was spending mentally and emotionally thinking about food and the pain, guilt, suffering, and shame I felt after eating it. That’s what was triggering alarm bells. And how did this even get started? What prompted this behavior?

I don’t usually buy my coffee. My life isn’t designed that way. I drink it black and at home. I have my home set up—my environment designed—so my coffee is specifically ethically sourced—I have a bunch of criteria—and I make it at home. I’m not usually tempted by the siren call of the cakes and slices that way. But then my coffee pot broke, and I wasn’t able to find an immediate replacement. I live in Australia, and with COVID-19, the replacement would be about 6-8 weeks. I also immediately ordered a french press, but since I’m not a huge fan of coffee that way, I started buying my coffee every other day, increasing my exposure to all things delicious that the stores put in front of their counters. Clever them, given food, has always been my contention point. Burgers. Cakes. Fries. Willpower? Forget about it. All the willpower in the world won’t keep me off a cake past 3 pm. Willpower is connected to a limited reserve of mental energy, and once we run out of that energy, we’re more likely to lose self-control. Psychological researchers even have a name for this phenomenon: ego depletion. With my daily coffee run sparking the siren call of cookies and cakes, it was time to deploy a strategy I’d learned years before.

When I was going through the most challenging time in my life, my go-to was cookies. I called it my cookie conundrum. I had an excellent nutritionist at the time. He said to me if I’m doing something over and over again—if my body is craving it, or it is causing some pay off mentally, emotionally, or physically—rather than making myself wrong, to instead incorporate it into my lifestyle. In this case, he created a meal plan where my diet plan was clean to meet my desired outcomes and aspirations—at the time, fat reduction and to increase my fitness & strength—but every day, there was an afternoon cookie and coffee ritual, which I got to indulge in. There was no need to feel bad as it was fulfilling a need and was pre-planned for. I didn’t know it at the time, but my nutritionist was practicing behavior design. My nutritionist was unwittingly living, teaching, and embodying Fogg Maxxim #1 & Fogg Maxxim #2.

Fogg Maxim #1: Help people do what they already want to do.

Fogg Maxim #2: Help people feel successful.

I also believe in eating food for nourishment and performance. Foods that will cause sustained uplifting energy, vitality, and aliveness help with my productivity, anti-aging, and long-term objectives, so all this cake and slice eating isn’t actually working. There is an absolute conflict between my values and goals.

Conflicting motivations are opposing drives related to the same behavior and can be a source of psychological suffering. “I want to eliminate non-nourishing, sugar-laden foods from my diet, but gosh, I really want to eat these cookies”. These conflicts can change depending on what’s happening around us, and we may not even understand where the desire to eat these specific foods is coming from. Rather than needing to figure out why or the source of our motivation—emotionally, mentally, or physically—we can design something workable for our life, right now, exactly as it is. We can figure out what’s prompting it.

What’s prompting my cookie-munching anyways? The mid-afternoon energy slump.

My mid-afternoon energy slump usually happens at 2 pm, and it’s a feeling for sure. I feel tired, low energy, mild fatigue, and want to lie down and take a nap—which I never do—followed by the overwhelming feeling of craving something sweet to eat—ala, the desire for cookies and cake. And I’m not alone. 

A lot of us get a mid-afternoon slump.

A carb-heavy lunch can lead to a sugar crash. A rebound in fatigue that was temporarily held at bay by morning caffeine. Being mildly dehydrated can subtly yet negatively affect our energy levels. Also, insomnia and sleep deprivation are commonplace in the world today. If we are not getting enough sleep at night, small factors can have a large effect on our alertness in the afternoon.

Behavior happens in a specific context or environment when we are motivated, we have the ability to do it, and we are prompted. 

B (Behavior) = (happens when) M (Motivation) & A (Ability) & P (Prompt) converge at the same moment.

If we know this is going to happen, we can research and plan ahead to achieve our aspirations & outcomes.

A quick google search brings up a plethora of nourishing choices which fulfill the same need, which we can pop into our pantries as better options when we are prompted.

A few of my favorites, and where to find them:

Justine’s Cookies 

https://www.instagram.com/justinescookies/

I love chocolate, fudge & brownies.

Smart Protein Bars 

https://www.instagram.com/smartdietsolutions/

I love the Vanilla Nougat, Strawberry Cheesecake, and Marshmallow Chocolate Biscuit flavors.

Here’s what they look like in my pantry.

The cookie conundrum? I turned it into a blissful Tiny Habits Recipe you can use in your own life too.

Step 1: Purchase some protein cookies, bars, balls, or slices you believe are healthy. Not sure where to start? Use the links I’ve included above.

Step 2: Figure out a good prompt. The behavior sequence might look like this:

After I feel my energy fade (in the afternoon), I will pour a glass of water and indulge in a protein cookie (bar or ball).

Step 3: Really enjoy the taste. Bliss out in the moment and feel happy and good about adding a healthy habit to your life.

My Recipe—The Tiny Habits Method

After I feel my energy start to fade (in the afternoon)

I will pour a glass of water and enjoy a protein cookie

And celebrate with a Serena Williams fist pump

The best way to learn the Tiny Habits Method is to get started practicing immediately. Don’t wait.

Our decisions define us. Our actions define us. Our habits define us.

So focusing on designing specific actions is where we start.

What action will you choose to take now?

The Contributor

Kristy B

kristybertenshaw.com

I write things & stuff on Medium

Tired of Tantrums? 5 Tricks to Tame Your Tots and Teens

I have a confession: I used to love seeing kids have tantrums. Every time I passed a toddler thrashing on the grocery store floor or saw a red-faced kid screaming at the playground, a part of me breathed a sigh of relief. Thank goodness, I thought. Other people’s kids do this, too.

We’ve all chuckled over the “Reasons My Son is Crying” blog or a friend’s tale of their own tot’s tantrum, because it’s so reassuring to see just how normal these outbursts are, but that doesn’t mean they’re easy to handle when they come from our own kids.

In our last post, Tiny Habits Academy director Linda Fogg-Phillips detailed strategies for helping parents to keep their cool when a kid is blowing up, but kids need help learning to negotiate their own big feelings as well. She mentioned my son, Gavin, and my goal to help him (and myself) to learn to deal with frustration without throwing a fit. In the Tiny Habits for Moms course, I learned some great strategies that have helped me and both my kids to develop emotional resilience and put irritations in perspective.

1. Meet Primary Needs

Linda reminded us that people who are hungry, thirsty or tired have trouble keeping their emotions in check, and that goes double for children. I’ve learned that the combination of after-school hunger and homework makes it hard for Gavin to push through the afternoon without drama. Now I set him up for success by making sure he is getting enough rest, and that his blood sugar stays stable throughout the day.

Sample Habit: After my child sits down to work on his homework, I will give him a healthy snack and a glass of water.

2. Join Their Team

My friend Amanda’s son is a lot like Gavin, and she has said that sometimes she feels like she’s his emotional punching bag. Kids come to us with their frustrations because they want our help, but sometimes their efforts at getting it are clumsy and even downright abusive.

When one of Tiny Habits for Moms coach Brittany Herlean’s three boys becomes frustrated and starts taking his feelings out on her, she reminds him that she is not the enemy, and that she is on his side. Then she helps him redirect his focus by identifying the real problem, and helping him to find a solution.

Sample Habit: When my child yells at me, I will remind him that I am on his side.

3. Identify Tantrum Triggers

To deal with tantrums, outbursts and general moodiness, try to identify the root of the problem. It might not be as obvious as you think. Some are predictable; you know that these circumstances often challenge your kid. Common triggers include:

  • Perceived unfairness (“I wanted the pink one!” “You always take her side!” “His class got cupcakes and mine didn’t!”)
  • Unforeseen circumstances (“It’s raining? But I wanted to go to the park!” “We’ve been in this line toooo looooong!”)
  • Struggling with a challenge (“I can’t put my socks on!” “These Lego’s won’t stay together!” “I’m never going to finish my homework!”)

These triggers are pretty immediate, but some are much subtler. If a kid’s fit seems way out of proportion or just doesn’t make sense, step back and look at what’s going on in the rest of her life. Like hunger and thirst, feeling out of control or neglected can give kids a hair trigger. So can trouble with friends or stress at school, which may sap your kids emotional resilience and manifest in general snappishness.

Deal with the bad behavior, but follow up with a heart-to-heart once things have calmed down to see if your child is struggling with something unknown. Find ways to give your child more of whatever they need (like autonomy or affection) once the conflict is over, or help them to find solutions to the problems that are causing stress.

Sample Habit: After my child has a tantrum, I will snuggle her in the rocking chair.
Sample Habit: After my child pulls out her homework, I will help her outline a study plan for her test.

4. Help Them to Self-Soothe

Over the years I’ve tried a number of strategies to help my son Gavin deal with his mercurial temperament. Yoga didn’t help; a meditation app did. Counting to ten makes him angrier. Folding origami is magical. I spoke to some of the moms from my Tiny Habits for Moms group, and together we amassed a list of ideas that have worked for us. Try a few for yourself and see what happens.

  • Get moving: Go for a walk, run or swim. Shoot some hoops or punch a punching bag.
  • Focus on your senses: Rub a smooth rock or a soft piece of fabric. Chew gum or sniff a scented pencil.
  • Distract yourself: Fold origami, doodle, or play with a toy. Take three deep breaths or count to ten.
  • Keep a talisman: Focus on a special amulet, toy or object. Imagine it giving you strength and removing bad feelings.
  • Take a break: Walk to the drinking fountain, lie in bed and read a book, listen to a guided meditation, take a minute to play with the dog.
  • Give yourself a pep talk: Tell yourself, “I can do this!” or “I’m almost there!”
  • Seek comfort: Snuggle a blanket, lovey, parent or pet.
  • Make it tiny: Break dreaded tasks into bits. Focus on a single homework problem, a single toy to put away or a single bite to eat.

Sample Habits:
When I feel like hitting, I will stomp my feet.
When I get suck on a homework problem I will tell myself, “I can do this.”

5. Think Like a Scientist

Being a mom is a lot like being a scientist. Your child is an unknown element, and it takes some experimenting to learn what causes a reaction, and how to prevent one. As they get older, their triggers and strategies will change, and so will yours. Finding the right recipes can take time, but remember, you’re also teaching your children to be more aware of their emotions and more able to act on them in a healthy and socially acceptable way, and that lesson will benefit them for the rest of their lives.

Tantrums are just one of the challenges moms face every day. To learn how the Tiny Habits method can help you to deal with everything from the dinner dishes to your relationship with your spouse, join our next session of Tiny Habits for Moms.

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